I still care about him. What should I do?
This week TrèsSugar brings us a reader with a conflicted and frustrated heart from their Group Therapy community forum. What do you think?
My boyfriend and I have been broken up for a few weeks now. A little time has passed and I don’t feel as angry and hurt as I did a few weeks ago, but I am still hurt and confused. At this point, I don’t know what I want to do or what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know whether to remain friends with him. I feel like in his mind, he believes everything is back to normal and I’m not supposed to be hurt. He is the one who broke up with me. He told me he’s already talking to someone else — after lying and saying he wasn’t worried about any other women because he wanted to focus on himself. That alone makes me feel like he didn’t care about me in the first place.
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He has made no effort to make our relationship work. I’ve done it on my own. He doesn’t work for anything. He oversteps my boundaries all the time and goes against my feelings, which is emotional abuse. He wants to be my friend and keep in contact with me, and I don’t mind being friends with him, but I’m still very disgusted and angry with him over the stupid decisions he’s made. He thought he was making the best decision for the both of us, but he doesn’t ever make good decisions and when he does, they only make sense in his delusional mind. He thinks that by telling me these things, he’s “keeping it real” with me, but little does he know that it’s actually doing more harm than good. I don’t know how I feel about him anymore. He doesn’t understand the full extent of how badly he hurt me. He is a narcissistic person who doesn’t care if he hurts others, and when he does apologize, he ends up doing it again anyway. I feel like he has no remorse.
We were together for three years. Feelings like this don’t go away that quickly, although I am trying to make them go away because I’m tired of the pain. I’ve felt alone even before we got out of a relationship. I’ve felt like I was in this relationship by myself. I don’t understand the purpose of wanting someone to stay in your life after you broke up with them. He says he cares about me and that he loves me, but I’m at the point where I don’t believe a word he says to me anymore. His words and actions never match. I feel like if you love and care about someone, you wouldn’t hurt them constantly by making stupid decisions and putting others before them like they’re nothing. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and he says that’s not true, but it’s obvious. I’m tired of feeling this way all the time. I feel like he doesn’t give a damn about me, and even when he says he does, I don’t believe it. I’m so over these emotionally unavailable men who don’t commit or stay consistent. I’m still trying to heal from all of this. Why is he being so selfish about his needs and not mine? I just feel like a fool. I don’t wish this feeling upon any woman. I want to be with a man who can commit to me, stay loyal, and respect the feelings of others. I love him, but I don’t like the way he treats me. Where should I go from here?
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